Forgive Me, Lead Me

Falling down on my knees
begging you forgiveness please
ignoring your precious decrees
Father, beg you, calm the seas
crying out, hear my pleas
the universe, you hold the keys

Creator of all and everything
shield me within your wings
living water, eternal springs
power all your blessing brings
made us all priests and kings
praises my heart and soul sings

Guide me down your loving path
appoint me to life and not to wrath
cleanse my stains, like a bath
forget logic, no need for math
free from sin's tragic aftermath
there's no greater love than HE hath

Let your spirit encompass here
Open up my eyes and ears
to see your will and to hear
wiping all our human tears
never need again to fear
give us power to adhere

Strength and wisdom to unfold
was a slave that had been sold
my life laid down for you to mold
the creation is yours to hold
help me do just as you told
you're worth more than riches and gold

~Sandra Jane Nelson

I refuse

I refuse to be a Christian who doesn't act
instead be a Light for God of great impact
When HE blesses me, I refuse not to share
So others may thank HIM for HIS care

I refuse not to reach out when others have a need
a slave to righteousness, don't want to be freed
I refuse not to love when others are hurt
and not to pray for HIS power to exert

I refuse to be idle and not share HIS peace
I refuse to keep HIS love to myself, so others will increase
I refuse to use my own eyes to see HIS creation
or my own wisdom, building only on HIS foundation

Lord, allow me to be a vessel for you
in everything that I say and do
When you speak, let me hear it
walking each day, not in flesh, but spirit

Amen...

~Sandra Jane Nelson

The Lord's Help

Father in heaven, help me through
Help me do my best to honor you
Forgive me for everything I have done
Putting other things as number one

My life, to you, and open book
nothing hidden for your eyes to look
You know the inside of my soul
help me give to you control

Though its so hard, I know I must
Follow your way, in YOU I trust
Help me learn to be patient and wait
for your guidance, my destiny, my fate

Help me learn to step out in faith,
the me inside help to abate,
walk in trust to your perfect will,
have mercy, forgive me, lead me still

Mere human on this fleshy earth
your power inside giving birth
to strength beyond possibility
and through it I can do anything

I always need your help!

~Sandra Jane Nelson

---

Philippians 4:13  (NASB)

¹³ I can do all things ^[a]through Him who strengthens me.

---

Pieces

Ashes and dust
clumped into clay
love and trust
went astray

pieces of me
spilled on the ground
trust and peace
no longer found

gather myself
muster my strength
up on the shelf
always arms length

eyes open wide
now I see
shadows of pride
covering me

reaching for something
meaning more
Seeing God's hand
opening doors

not me, but YOU
Father to find
you are the glue
mending my mind

Your grace and love
protecting me
changing the way
that I see me

Thank you Father, for your grace and mercy!



~Sandra Jane Nelson

---

Psalm 91:4  (NIV)

 He will cover you with his feathers,
    and under his wings you will find refuge;
    his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

---

I didn't know

Until today, I didn't know
or at least didn't realize
I was afraid to let things show
so others wouldn't criticize

I am the root cause of all
the problems of my past
lack of self-worth deep inside
hidden behind my mask

I'm the reason he was able to,
with much condemnation, crumble
There's a difference between
lack of self-esteem and being humble

Finally out of the prison of criticism
and stepping into trust,
bend down, pick up the pieces
of myself that had fallen into dust

Trying to find the me I lost
from among the pieces on the ground
Have to stop hating me
or no peace will ever be found

I didn't know I felt this way
till all alone these past few days
afraid of everything I say
nothing I do is right in anyway

Look around and see the truth
must have been there from my youth
Clearer now, in my children I also see it
break the bondage, Lord help me free it

~Sandra Jane Nelson

---

Lord set me free from this condemnation I hold over my head, and my children from the self-condemnation that they feel that leads them to not seek help and guidance, to be afraid to ask for things, to cry out when they feel they cannot do anything right...

---

There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.
(Romans 8:1)

Father Help Me

Father in Heaven, hide my face
Keep me from the storm
Scared, alone, in no other place
do I feel safe and warm

Take away the emotions that I feel
provide me with your peace
help me pretend none of it is real
help my strength increase

Father wrap me in your wings
save me from my own doing
My heart is holding on to things
Your word, my mind renewing

Father Help me, guide me now
show me once again your path
Help me keep, to you, my vow
and suffer not from wrath

Wipe away the tears that fall
Protect me from the pain
heal me from the broken heart
and my feelings of disdain

~ Sandra Jane Rinehart

Our help is in Our Father

There is no help to find, no other help so kind, your troubles to unwind, 
No stronger love exists, Jesus in the midst, peace just like a kiss
Giving our hearts rest, providing us the best, tears gone with HIS caress

Psalm 124:8

King James Version (KJV)

⁸ Our help is in the name of the Lord, who made heaven and earth.

Don't want this flesh

Take me Father from this place
I am ashamed to show my face
I took advantage of your grace
thoughts and actions so abase

Your faithfulness I don't deserve
to your straight road, I made a curve
Don't want to be here any more
Don't want this flesh in which I war

Just spirit is all I want to be
My Father's spirit overflowing in me
Leading me through the path HE laid
Keeping me from the life of pain

Every step I lead on my own
is a step away from my King's throne
There is nothing good in me
but the spirit you gave to be free

Don't want emotions that lie to me
or hold me captive though I plea
Don't want the flesh easily broken
to catch on words easily spoken

All I can count on is your love
perfect, eternal from heaven above
remind me often it's you I follow
The world's a pill  forced to swallow

All I want to know is you Lord
Everything else, the sharp sword
the enemy that stabs you in the back
Faith in you is what I lack

Help me, father, for I am weak
Don't want this flesh, your will I seek
Don't want these feelings, this heart which beats
I have no room for its defeat

Philippians 4:13
For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength

Obvious

Written to my soon-to-be Ex Husband
Date: Tue, 28 Jun 2011 07:12:19 -0400


I am letting go of possibilities
that you and I could ever agree
that you and I could care for each other
time to let go and seek another

I need to be loved and cared about
not stepped upon and done without
I need the guidance of a man who cares
for me and mine, not selfish wares

I need the protection of a man
who tries to do the best he can
not one who feels his only task
is to come and go and wear a mask

Many years we've mourned, a time to grieve
the death of what was never meant to be
but we forced it through, anyway
it is time to walk from its death today

It is obvious together we will never be
You don't have the will to be a we
I don't have the desire to try again
just want to walk away and let it end

I won't miss you when you are gone
you've never been here to lean on
I won't be sad or lonely because
you've never returned a shred of love

I wanted so much for the seeds we planted
to have the best, not be taken for granted
to have two parents who put them first
and withstood together through the worst

But want in one hand and crap in the other
I cannot go on like this, no love to uncover
I cannot trust that you will ever give
and allow a love to grow and live

I cannot trust that you will try to take care
of the family we are supposed to share
Your words are empty, no actions taken
I never believed anyway, so I am not shaken.

But the children are and continue to be
as long as we pretend to feel
They can see it, sense it, hear it,
The end is there, they no longer fear it.

You only care for your own fears
which only gives the children more tears
go away, they will visit often
walk away from the marriage in its coffin.

Say Good-Bye

Written to my soon-to-be-ex-husband
Date: Tue, 28 Jun 2011 07:43:16 -0400

Love is in actions,
not empty words
self put as last,
not as first

In addition to words,
Love can be felt,
hardships of life,
easier dealt

Our togetherness is an anchor
no togetherness found
slow suffocation
chained to the ground

teamwork displayed
in middle ground
your side, my side
no middle found

togetherness is an area
that must be sought
a fight worth fighting
not easily fought

When injuries come,
time and love can heal,
but injury upon injury
only hate is revealed

I cannot heal
this thing alone
you have to try
effort of your own

I don't have the desire
yet I am still here
hoping you will prove
away my fears

But all you have done
is confirm the past
over and over
the pain will last

no love to remember
no joy to speak of
it is about time
you learned to show love

We are supposed to join
as one together,
in all ways, at all times,
for worst, for better

Till you do,
just say goodbye
to continue on
I'd rather die
 

Was and Could Have Been

Written to my soon to be ex-husband
Date: Tue, 28 Jun 2011 07:57:54 -0400

I have always been
a support for you
when times looked like
you wouldn't get through

But you let me do too much

I provided so much love
you never would have thought
it would bend and brake
and fall apart

But then again... you never returned my love

I was a rock while you were weary
a shield while you were weak
a pillow for your comfort
a pillar when things looked bleak

But I was not supposed to be a carpet

I have so much love to give
so much joy to share
too bad it wasn't returned
and you didn't care

Guess I will give it to someone else

You have relied on me
to take care of all the tasks
and all the children
and everything you asked

But I couldn't rely on you for even one thing

What was before
could have been again
but you won't change
so now the end

It is truly time to say goodbye

I needed you
to be strong
and prove the love
you spoke of all along

But you don't want to put forth any effort

I needed to
rely on you
to push and pull
to get us through

But again, that's not really your thing

Strong words spoken
here and there
but only empty words
with no real care

I hope you find someone you can be real with and that you care to try with.  Good bye.

HIS way

Everything I built my life to be
was supposed to be a reflection of me
Each of my children, to lead and be a scholar
to succeed in life as measured by the dollar

But I failed in all of those measures
I put my hope and trust in treasures
I put my life in the hands of a man
who couldn't live up to it, but who can

But it was the wrong man I put my faith in
The one I was looking for was HE who had no sin
HE is showing me that HIS measure is the one that matters
All others fall short, and cause your life to  shatter

The treasure that I sought was that which caused me pain
A life full of things is not a life of gain
Money and things cannot fill the gap
the hole inside, the emptiness, the lack

It can truly only be filled by the MAKER,
a constant relationship with the CREATOR,
He made us to love him, and to seek him
He made us to be spiritual, and be like him

Every time we stray from the path HE has for us
we lose more peace, we lose our closeness
He knows the way, Go we must
HIS way, HIS timing,  in HIM we trust.

but HIS way is the way that leads to Glory

Victory

They don't know our Father's love
how HE smiled when HE created us
They don't know how it hurts HIM still
when we follow self-centered will

HE wants us to have and be so much more
and into our hearts and lives HE wants to pour
But blinded we walk in search of our own
making wrong choices, and inwardly groan

In the image of HIM, created are we
to not be bound, but to be free
to be the head, and not the tail
not to be conquered, but to prevail

We are so much more, than we let ourselves become
And when we align with HIM, all the blessings come
HE alone knows where paths will lead
HE will make them straight, no need to bleed

The blood has already been shed, the fight already won
Just walk in that victory, all else has been done
All these troubles we have, are lies from the past
Jesus already conquered so our troubles won't last

Walk in HIS victory, don't let thing of this world hold you back from HIS glory.

Lead me back

Cover me, Father
Hide me from my shame
Protect me, Father
no more to be afraid

Give me your strength,
as I have none left
Off your path I walked
I went adrift

Lead me back,
I have lost my way
Your will be done
in my life today

This life I lead each day,
It is all yours, not mine, to live
These things you have given
are yours, not mine to give

Have patience, Lord,
as I am no more than dust
in your word, your ways
I put all my trust

Forgive me, Father,
for the mistakes I made
please don't let me suffer
for the path I laid

Just lead me back, Father,
restore me gently, please,
I cannot take any more
I don't want to be set free

Hold me, Father,
grasp me in your perfect will
no room for the flesh
or desires to fill

Keep me, Father,
from making these mistakes
Lead me back, Father
to your perfect grace.

I Love you, Father, with all my heart, soul, mind, strength, spirit, will..... with everything.

~ Sandra Jane Rinehart

Lord, Help Me

Lord, give me strength
When my heart turns to run
When my mind strays too far
When your will is undone

Lord, give me focus
help me to continue on
help me not be distracted
help me fight what you won

Lord, give me power
to walk the path you set for me
to not turn right or left
to find your perfect peace

Lord, give me love
your perfect overflow of grace
to cover my iniquities
so I may see your face

Lord, help me get through
the troubles of human life
the pain of human conflict
the torment of human strife

Lord, lift me up
remove me from all these fears
take me from this place
wipe away all my tears

Lord, Help Me
Without you, life is doom
dark and with no light
no love and full of gloom

Lord, Shine on Me
let me feel you close
so I may know I am safe
no harm could pose

~Sandra Jane Rinehart

My Father's Love

HE made me to love HIM
and love HIM I do
with all my heart, soul and strength
and all my mind, too.

He made me to be like HIM
and with HIS help, I will be
someday soon I will join him
HIS awesome glory I will see

Mistakes are inevitable
It doesn't matter what I've done
the Blood Of Jesus covers it
because in HIM I trust

He leads me into
Each step that I make
If I wait and I listen
no more mistakes

I am not going to do it

I am not going to do it
I will be strong this time
I don't need anyone else
to help me tow the line

I have far too much
in my life to worry about
I don't need to add another
to help me stress out

My life is a mess
and it is of my own doing
I need to pick it up
and finish by grooming

I need some polish
some spit to make things shine
I am not going to do it
and fall for anyone this time

I just need to be strong
and hold my head up high
and pray to my Lord
When I just want to cry

Lord, help me, and keep me,
give me strength, I pray
I am weaker than I thought
and my heart just gives way

Lord help me to focus
on the tasks for me to do
until you bless me
with someone who is from you

I am not going to do it
not give my heart away
I am going to sing praises
loneliness will go away

Lord, Give Me Strength

~ Sandra J Rinehart